When December Doesn't Feel Festive

There's something particularly jarring about grief arriving in December. While the world around us accelerates into celebration mode, complete with cheerful music at the supermarket and relentless optimism about fresh starts, some of us are simply trying to get through the day. And when tragedy touches not just individuals but entire communities, that disconnect between what we're feeling and what the world expects of us becomes even more profound.

The Challenge of Holiday Expectations When Tragedy Strikes

We hear a lot about how challenging this time of year can be for people navigating mental health challenges, financial pressure, family tensions, or difficult memories. What we talk about less is how to actually navigate it when something genuinely awful happens to people we know, or to communities we're part of, or to groups we feel connected with, right in the middle of what everyone else seems to think should be the happiest time of the year. Loss, crisis, and heartbreak don't politely wait until January when things have settled down and everyone's returned to normal routines.

When something terrible happens to a community during December, the impact ripples outward in ways that can be hard to articulate. You might have been directly affected. You might have witnessed something difficult. You might simply feel the weight of what's happened because it touched people like you, or a community you're part of, or values you hold. The grief can feel both deeply personal and somehow collective, shared across networks of people who are all trying to make sense of something senseless while tinsel glitters in shop windows.

What Self-Care Actually Means During Difficult Times

If you're in this space right now, here's what we know from countless conversations with people who've been there. You don't have to "make the best of it" or "stay positive" or any of the other well-meaning but ultimately exhausting phrases people might offer. You're allowed to opt out of celebrations without explanation. You're allowed to change plans at the last minute. You're allowed to say no to gatherings, phone calls, or even to opening cards if that's what you need. Taking care of yourself isn't about bubble baths and scented candles (though by all means, if that helps). It's about creating space for whatever you're actually feeling, and protecting yourself from expectations that don't fit your current reality.

This might mean letting someone know you need them to handle the practical stuff. It might mean accepting that this December will look completely different to how you'd imagined. It could be finding one small thing that feels manageable when everything else feels overwhelming. Perhaps it's asking someone to sit with you in silence rather than trying to cheer you up. Or it might be acknowledging that you're grieving alongside others while the world around you is in full festive mode, and that disconnect alone can feel isolating.

What About Supporting Others?

For those supporting someone affected by tragedy during this season, the most helpful thing is often the simplest.

Check in without expecting a response.

Offer specific help rather than "let me know if you need anything."

Don't disappear because you're worried about saying the wrong thing.

And perhaps most importantly, don't try to fix it or brighten it up or redirect them toward celebration. Just acknowledge it's hard, understand that processing takes time and happens differently for everyone, and show up anyway.

Community Healing Takes Time and Space

Communities heal differently than individuals do. Some people need to come together, to share stories and find solidarity in collective grief. Others need quiet and space to process alone before they're ready to connect. Both responses are valid. Both deserve support. There's no right way to move through this kind of loss, and no timeline that works for everyone.

Moving Forward at Your Own Pace

The festive season will pass. The new year will arrive whether we're ready or not. Until then, whatever you need to do to get through is enough. Whether that's finding strength in community, seeking solitude, or something in between, your response to grief is your own.

Take care of yourself in whatever way makes sense for you right now.